Unfortunately, we seldom notice that we have anything to do with what is happening in our relationship. All we can see is how the other person treats us. We then treat the other person accordingly.

If we receive love and appreciation, we'll give love and appreciation. If we receive criticism and resentment, we'll give criticism and resentment. We treat the other person according to how that person treats us. The problem with this is that the other person is doing exactly the same thing. That person treats you according to how you treat him or her.

When you treat each other based on how you get treated, there is no telling what will happen. It's like sailing with no one at the helm. When no one is in charge of the ship, you're likely to end up on the rocks.

Usually it's just a matter of time until someone gets upset. That person then puts up his or her walls of protection and either resists, attacks or withdraws. Then the other person gets upset and does the same thing. Then the first person gets more upset and reacts more forcefully toward the other.

Without knowing, you create a cycle of conflict -- a cycle of resisting, attacking and withdrawing from each other. This cycle of conflict then continues on and on without either person ever noticing his or her role in the problem.

Sides get drawn and issues become something to fight over rather than something to resolve. Walls of protection get fortified and distance grows. The experience of love quickly fades away. We hurt each other over and over again, feeling fully justified for everything we do. Serious damage is done, and none of it is necessary.

Fortunately, two people are required in order to create and maintain this cycle of conflict. Only one person is needed to end it. The cycle of conflict is like a tennis volley. As soon as one person stops playing the game, the game is over. You end the conflict by putting water on the fire instead of more fuel.

Put the focus on healing your relationship, not as husband and wife, but as one human being to another. To the extent that you are able to do this, you gain cooperation instead of resentment. Issues get resolved quickly. You become free inside and able to get on with your life.

The process of healing your relationship is relatively easy once you know how. This site will walk you through the steps. As you work with the various sections and do what they say, you will notice immediate results in your relationship.

If you want to learn more about how to heal your relationship, read the book, How To Heal A Painful Relationship or listen to the audio set, How To Divorce As Friends - and maybe save your marriage. You can get these at our bookstore and they can be downloaded.

Individual support is also available along with Bill's weekend workshop, Return To The Heart. Give us a call at 713-520-5370 if you want more information.

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