At any moment, your life is the way it is. Surrendering to this truth is the key to being effective.
There is a major difference between our reality and the reality of life. Our reality consists of thoughts, feelings, emotions, and points of view. It exists only in our mind.
In the reality of life, there are no feelings, emotion, thoughts, or points of view. There is only the truth. What's so is what's so. Things just are and our feelings about it are totally irrelevant.
A good way to see this is to look at upsets. Find a time when you were upset. Didn't something happen? Yes. Something happened. That's the truth. It happened.
Now notice how totally irrelevant your feelings were about it. No matter how upset you were, it still happened. There is the truth of what happened and there are our feelings about it. The two are never, never connected in reality. They are only connected in our mind.
What's so is always what's so
My wife and I have a black cat. No matter how I feel about it, that cat won't bark. I can yell at the cat and I can get very upset, but no matter what I do, the cat still won't bark. The same is true about life.
At any moment, the people in your life are the way that they are. You are the way that you are and the circumstances of your life are the way that they are. Everything may change tomorrow, but at any moment, what's so is always what's so. The cat isn't barking.
If you can be at peace with the truth of what's so, you will be very effective. You will have peace of mind. You will see your situation clearly and can see what needs to be done.
When you fight the truth of what's so, you create a state of fear, upset, and tunnel vision. You destroy your ability to see clearly and you interact in a way that tends to make your situation worse.
Fighting the truth does something else that is very destructive. It destroys your ability to see the truth. When you can't see the truth, you can't see what you need to do and you can't take effective action.
For example, handling a situation without seeing the truth is like trying to open a door when you can't see that it's locked. You may spend a lot of energy trying to force the door open, but you won't be very effective.
Once you surrender to the truth, you restore your ability to see clearly. You may not like what you see, but at least you can see it. Instead of trying to force open a locked door, you can put your focus on finding a key. You can take action that is appropriate to your situation.
The cat doesn't bark
Look at any relationship you have that isn't working and notice that the other person is exactly the way he or she is. Now notice that the circumstances of your life are exactly the way that they are. Notice that this is true no matter how you feel about it. The cat doesn't bark and your feelings are irrelevant.
Now notice the direction of your focus. Instead of looking to see what needs to be done based on the truth of the way your situation is, your focus is on fighting the truth.
This destroys your effectiveness. It also destroys love. Instead of communicating acceptance, you communicate non-acceptance. You destroy the experience of love and fuel the cycle of conflict. You lose your ability to find solutions and you act in a way that is guaranteed to make your situation worse.
This condition of resisting is present in any relationship and in any area of life that isn't working. If you could surrender to the truth, you would be very effective in handling this area of your life. We'll talk more about this later.
Watch Bill Ferguson talk about how we fight the truth
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