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Accept Your Full 100% Responsibility For Love - Continued
To create and maintain this cycle, there must be two people participating. It is physically impossible to have a cycle of conflict with only one person. Each person is 100% responsible. Once you discover your role in the conflict, you can do something about it. You can stop the non-accepting. You can end the cycle of conflict and restore the love. Take a moment and look at your relationship. Find your 100% responsibility for the loss of love. Notice how non-accepting and critical you have been. Notice how you have hurt the other person and how that person has gotten upset and given it back to you. The other person is also fully responsible, but so what. When you point at the other person's responsibility, you may be telling the truth, but it doesn't change your situation. You just give your power away. To have your life be as great as it can be, give up the blaming. Find your role in the problem. Then take whatever action you need to handle your situation. This is one of the keys to healing your relationship and creating a life that works.
Ed and Joanne argued constantly. Each was angry and resentful toward the other. At first, Ed could only see how Joanne treated him. All he could see were the hateful things she did to him. The situation looked hopeless until Ed saw his responsibility for what was happening. Then he began to look at the relationship from Joanne's point of view. He saw how critical and non-accepting he had been of her. He saw how much he had hurt Joanne and how this had forced Joanne to be hard and resentful. Once Ed saw the truth of his 100% responsibility, he permanently altered his relationship with Joanne. Even though Joanne was also 100% responsible, Ed could no longer blame her for what had happened. Ed took responsibility for the success of his relationship. He stopped being demanding and critical. He made sure Joanne felt loved, accepted and appreciated. The relationship altered almost overnight. The constant arguing stopped. Joanne felt safe and let go of her walls of protection. Each expressed more and more love for each other. The healing began the moment Ed accepted his full 100% responsibility. Now he has a relationship that works.
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