We'll talk more about how to dismantle this mechanism in the next section. For now, let's talk about how to be free of the emotion.

When you were born, you were created with the natural ability to heal hurt. Just look at little children. Little children are masters at healing hurt. When a child feels hurt, the child cries. Then, after the child finishes crying, the hurt is all gone.

Little children are able to release their hurt because they do something that we don't notice. They feel their hurt willingly. This allows the hurt to run its course. It comes and then it goes. This is the natural process for healing hurt. As you allow yourself to feel your hurt willingly like a child, your hurt goes away.

Unfortunately, we have been taught to do the opposite. Instead of feeling our hurt willingly like a child, we have been taught to fight our hurt. "Big boys and girls don't cry. If you want something to cry about, I'll give you something to cry about."

You soon learn to avoid your hurt. This then circumvents the natural healing process. Instead of flowing with the hurt and letting it go, you fight the hurt and keep it inside. You try to push the hurt away, but you can't. The hurt isn't outside of you, it's inside. So, in your attempt to push the hurt away, you actually push the hurt deeper inside.

You suppress your hurt. You then spend the rest of your life running from this hurt. But no matter what you do, you can't get away from it. You will continue to experience these feelings whether you like it or not.

As long as you have this hurt, it will get triggered. Your only choice is to feel it willingly like a child or to feel it unwillingly. When you feel your hurt unwillingly, the hurt turns into pain and stays.

When you feel your hurt willingly like a child, the hurt runs its course and disappears.

To see this in your life, find a time when you were hurt and you allowed yourself to cry. Then, after you cried your last tear, you felt a wonderful freedom. This is a time when you felt your hurt willingly.

So feel your hurt willingly like a child. Keep telling yourself, "It's okay to feel the hurt. It's okay." Let the hurt come and let it go. Cry as hard as you can. Crying is the most powerful tool for releasing hurt.

When you feel your hurt, make sure you feel it because you want to. Feel it purposefully and intentionally. Feel it at choice, because you want to reach in, grab it and pull it out. This is the key to a fast healing.

When you feel your hurt because you are forced to, or because you feel like a victim of your circumstances, the healing process is very slow.

If you feel the hurt but there aren't any tears, fake it. Fake the tears and get into the emotion. This can be just as effective as feeling the real tears. Reach in and grab all the hurt you can. Exaggerate the hurt and feel it fully.

You may notice certain thoughts as you cry: "Why did she do this?" "Why can't she love me." Let the thoughts guide your crying. Cry each thought. Then move to the next one. Let the hurt take over. Feel the hurt of your circumstances and the deeper hurt of feeling worthless, not worth loving, a failure, and not good enough.

It's not the truth that you are this way, it's just a hurt, but it's a hurt that we'll do almost anything to avoid feeling. "If I really am worthless, I might as well die." Notice how painful it would be if you really were this way. Notice how much you have avoided this hurt. This is the hurt that runs your life.

Subconsciously, anything that triggers this hurt becomes a serious threat. Instantly, you become full of fear and upset. You get tunnel vision and lose your ability to see clearly. All you can do is fight, resist, hang on or withdraw. This hurt is responsible for all your suffering and all your self-sabotaging behavior.

To learn how to find and heal this hurt, make sure you read the next section, Find And Heal The Inner Issues That Run Your Life. For a deeper healing, have an Individual Consulting Session with Bill Ferguson or do the Mastery Of Life Audio Course.

You can also listen to the audio set, How To Divorce As Friends, or read the book, Get Your Power Back.

Go to the next section.