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Find And Heal The Inner Issues That Run Your Life
Finding and healing this hurt is the single most important thing you can ever do. When you were a young child, you were pure love. You were happy, alive and free. Unfortunately, you were born into a world that suppresses this state. As a result, you got hurt, and you got hurt a lot. As a little child, the only way you could explain these painful losses of love was to blame yourself. In a moment of hurt, you bought the notion that you were worthless, not good enough, a failure, not worth loving, or in some other way, "not okay". This wasn't the truth, but to a little child, this was the only explanation that made any sense at the time. You then hated the very notion that you created. "No one can ever love me if I'm worthless. Worthless is a horrible way to be." The moment you bought the notion that you were "not okay", you created a mechanism that would then sabotage the rest of your life. From that moment on, the underlying focus of your life would be to avoid this hurt. You may never notice this hurt but it is certainly there. It determines your actions and shapes your life. A good way to see this hurt is to notice what happens the moment you get upset. Notice the immediate surge of feelings and emotion that come forth. This is the hurt that runs your life. Any circumstance that reactivates this hurt is perceived as a threat that must be avoided at all cost. To protect yourself from this threat, you automatically fight, resist, hang on or withdraw. This fighting and resisting then creates a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision that sabotages your life. You destroy love and create opposition and resistance against yourself. Ultimately, the avoidance of this hurt is responsible for all your self-sabotaging behavior and all your suffering. The irony is that the more you fight these feelings of being not okay, the stronger they become and the more they run your life. Everything you do to avoid this hurt actually creates more of the very hurt that you are avoiding. To see how this works, be sure and read the examples at the end of this section. The avoidance of these feelings is what gives them power. Here is a short exercise that can demonstrate this: Imagine four large yellow balloons on the ceiling above you, but don't think about them. Whatever you do, don't think about those four large yellow balloons on the ceiling above you. You just thought about them. Don't do that. Notice what happens when you try not to think about the yellow balloons. You keep thinking about them. In fact, you can hardly think about anything else. Your resisting keeps the thought alive.
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