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FAQ About Divorce - Continued
The legal system is adversarial. Everything you do in this system creates more adversariness against you. So unless you enjoy warfare, stay out of the legal system as much as you can. Use your attorney as an advisor, not as an adversary. Have your attorney file the divorce petition and start the waiting period. Get all the legal advice you can. Find out what questions need to be resolved. Then go home and resolve them. When you have an agreement that works for both of you, take it back to the attorney. Let him review it and do the paper work. To the extent you are able to resolve these issues by yourself, the legal process will go quickly. If your spouse is dishonest or uncooperative, your attorney may need to take a stronger role. Just don't let him be too adversarial. You have to pay the consequences for whatever he does.
There are countless individuals who have gone to an attorney for an uncontested divorce only to have it become contested overnight. When you use an adversarial attorney, you force your spouse to fight to protect him or herself from you. This doesn't improve your situation, it makes it worse. If you want to divorce as friends, use an attorney that is non-adversarial. The best way to find this kind of attorney is to look for one that does divorce mediation. These attorneys tend to have more concern for people's well being. Call your local Bar Association for a list of attorneys that do divorce mediation.
It is considered a conflict of interest for one attorney to represent both parties in a divorce. However, if you and your spouse are able to work out all the details, there is a way to get around this. Select an attorney and tell him that you want an uncontested divorce. Tell him that you and your spouse are going to work out all the details and that you want him to do the paperwork. Although he can only represent one of you, ask if he is willing to visit with both of you. Tell him that you want him to answer questions openly and honestly, no matter who asks the question. If he agrees, schedule an appointment. Then visit the attorney along with your spouse. Have him explain the law and procedure to both of you. Find all the issues that need to be resolved and get all your questions answered. At the end of the meeting, decide who the attorney will officially represent. Then go home and work out the details. If you want more peace of mind, or if you have any doubts, visit another attorney. Make sure you are getting good advice and that you have all the information you need to make your decisions. You will probably want to visit this second attorney separately. Once you have worked out all the details, go back to the attorney and have him do the paperwork.
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