There is nothing you can do to make your husband or wife stay. In fact, everything you do to make the person stay, pushes the person further away. Your best chance of avoiding a divorce is to create an environment where the other person feels so loved and appreciated that he or she would never want to leave. To do this, you have to do two things:

First, make sure the other person feels loved, accepted and appreciated, just the way he or she is. The more someone feels special around you, the more that person will want to be with you.

Second, be willing for the person to leave. This is extremely important because the more you hang on to someone, the more that person will want to avoid you. This is exactly opposite of what you want to accomplish.

To heal your hurt and to be free of your upset, take the focus off your circumstances and put the focus on finding and healing the nerve in you that is being triggered by your circumstances.

Let me explain. Upsets seem to be caused by what happened, but they're not. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happened. To see this in your life, notice what would happen to your upset if you were at peace with what happened. There would be no upset.

If you could somehow take away the fighting and resisting, your upset would disappear. You would restore both your peace of mind and your effectiveness.

We fight what happened because we don't want to feel all the feelings and emotion that are being triggered by what happened. In other words, the circumstances have just struck a nerve. To heal your hurt and to be free of your upset, you need to find and heal this nerve.

When you resent, the only person that really suffers is you. You lose your aliveness and your peace of mind. You get upset and you make your situation worse. Letting go of a resentment is not for the benefit of the other person. It's for the benefit of you.

A resentment is the forceful blaming of someone else. That person is the problem, the cause, the fault. Not me! We blame the other person so we don't have to look at ourselves. More specifically, we don't want to feel to hurt of being not good enough, worthless, not worth loving, or some other form of being not okay.

Once you heal this hurt and make peace with this aspect of yourself, the need for the resentment disappears.