Whenever you have an argument, you have two people trying to push their points of view on the other. No one is listening. Nothing is getting resolved and the cycle of conflict is escalating dramatically.
Arguments are very destructive. You can have one harsh word said in an argument that results in a divorce four years later. Arguments destroy the experience of love, create distance and fuel the cycle of conflict. Do everything you can to avoid them.
The key to avoiding an argument is simple. Stop talking and listen.
You don’t have to like what the other person is saying. You don’t have to agree with it and you don’t have to do anything about it. All you have to do is receive the person’s communication.
Listen to what the person is saying and hear the communication from that person’s point of view. Look for the fear and hurt that are behind the words. Be interested in what the person has to say. You don’t have to like it. Just hear it.
By listening to what the other person has to say, you take away his or her resistance against you. This creates and environment where the other person can hear what you have to say.
Once both of you have fully communicated your points of view, you can have a conversation about solutions. Until you get each other’s point of view, finding solutions is almost impossible.
So, the next time you are in an argument. Stop talking and listen.
The next section is on how to resolve disputes.
Go to the next article - Disputes
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