If your attorney makes your job more difficult, let him go. After all it's your relationship, not his. The more you resolve your own issues, the easier your life will be.

Sometimes you need an attorney. Sometimes the other person is so dishonest or uncooperative that an attorney is essential. If this happens, make sure that your attorney takes care of you. Just don't let him be adversarial.

When an attorney takes an aggressive action against someone, it's like an attack. Sometimes the attack is like Pearl Harbor. He may have taken the action, but you are the one that gets the blame. You are the one that has to suffer the consequences, not him.

Be sure and read the example at the end of this section.

Like it or not, you are responsible for what your attorney does. You are the one that hired him and you are the one who pays his fees. Make sure your attorney knows that his job is to forward your relationship and to find solutions that work for everyone. Have him watch out for your interests, but don't let him attack.

Remember, your attorney works for you. You don't work for him. If he is unwilling to work with you in this way, find an attorney who will.

The system of adversariness continues because we demand it. We want to come out on top. We want to get even. We want to fight. Now there is a new opportunity. Now we can focus on creating peace and harmony in the world and in our hearts. It's the only thing that really matters.

When you divorce as good friends, you make an impact on the planet. You make it possible for more couples to do the same. You show it can be done.

How can we ever have peace on the planet if we can't have it in our own relationships and in our own hearts? Peace truly does begin with you.

To learn more about how to deal with attorneys, read the book, How To Heal A Painful Relationship, and listen to How To Divorce As Friends.

Go to the next section.

Example

Peggy and Mitch decided to go their separate ways. There were no hard feelings, they just didn't get along well together. They wanted to part as friends.

Peggy would have custody of their two boys and keep the house. Mitch would pay the mortgage and $900 a month in child support. They had it all worked out.

Then Mitch went to file. His attorney said he was about to give away too much. When he told Peggy he wanted to pay less, she got upset and decided to see an attorney. Her attorney said she was about to be taken advantage of, and to protect herself she needed to obtain temporary orders from the Court. This would cost $3,500.

Peggy then closed out their savings, paid the attorney and served Mitch with papers ordering him to appear at a hearing.

When this happened, Mitch felt personally attacked. It not only violated his understanding of their agreement, but now he had to borrow $3,500 to protect himself. Furious, he then canceled the credit cards, demanded title to the house, and paid Peggy the minimum child support necessary.

Peggy and Mitch declared war on each other before they knew what happened. Now they were spending a fortune in attorney's fees with no end in sight. They lost control of their own divorce.

Fortunately, they started talking again. They saw that they had created a monster, and now they wanted to end it.

They decided that is was their relationship and that they were going to resolve their own issues. They got all the advice they could and stared working on an agreement. When they finished, they took it back to their attorneys. They got some more advice and made some more changes.

When Peggy and Mitch were both satisfied with all the terms, they had their attorneys prepare the final paperwork and finish the divorce.

The legal nightmare ended when Peggy and Mitch decided to use their attorneys as advisors instead of adversaries.

Ironically, after all their revisions, the final decree was almost identical to their initial agreement. By resolving the issues themselves, they were able to get out of the courthouse and get on with their lives.

Go to the next section.